Superman
Superman
In... Superman! Part II
At the end of this section you'll know:
What is the best way to ward off a Laser Attack?
In a battle between Superman and a stalk of celery, who would win?
When Lois is captured we're given our first look at "The Mad
Scientist". He has a Mohawk, but with sideburns, and wears eyeliner. Apparently
our "Mad Scientist's day job is as a front man for the Gothic Metal band
"Suicide Scientists". And of course he's wearing a lab coat. Remember, all
scientists wear lab coats. All of them.
Meanwhile with Lois tied up the Mad Scientist begins to
destroy the city. Everyone seems to be exceptionally happy about this. Well at
least I guess they are. They're all smiling. Maybe they've all just been
tazered.
At this point, what is to become the most over-used joke on
the planet, is seen for the first time. Clark Kent jumps into a supply closet
and changes into Superman. Nobody seems to notice, not even the janitor that was
stuck in the closet with him.
As the scientist continues to pound on the city tearing the
foundation out from underneath a building, superman quickly swings into action
to put the building upright. Now, I know that some of you think that after you
remove the foundation from under a building that there's no way that you could
get it back up. Well those of you who think that are wrong. It is completely
logical to have a building stand with no foundation. Back me up structural
engineers.
After pushing the building back up, where it stays, Superman
begins punching the beam back up to the scientist's lair. I hate to be the one
who has to bring this up to the writers of such a fine show such as Superman!,
but you can't punch a laser. Hell, you can't punch the water coming out of
garden hose with any degree of success, so what is the point of sucker punching
an energy beam?
Now I slept through most of my Physics class in High school,
but I'm pretty sure that I never had a test that asked me to "Prove the Energy
to Jell-O Ratio". But a bunch of animators and Superman can't be wrong, right?
Remember, lasers and energy weapons can be punched.
Ignoring this slight technical oversight, Superman continues
to make headway towards "The Mad Scientist" who we get to see at least 7 or 8
times flipping switches and looking peeved. As the scientist turns up the power
to his Electrothenasia Ray it begins shooting rocks, which totally makes sense.
We are also treated to yet another few shots of wildly pulsating nothings and
some dials that, for all we know, show that the scientist's wash is now in the
spin cycle.
Superman eventually reaches the Ray-gun and ties it in a
knot. The gun goes crazy and steam starts shooting out of it. It seems that "The
Mad Scientist" was using a water powered laser gun. He may be evil but he's
planet friendly.
Then, as Superman bursts through the wall, The Mad Scientist
in true bad guy fashion, yells out "Superman!". Like we at home got confused. We
thought that it was going to be Al Roaker. "There's a 20% chance I'm gonna kick
your ass."
Then the building blows up and Superman saves everyone even
the Gothic Mad Scientist who gets put in jail. The jail scene slowly fades to a
newspaper that reads "SUPERMAN'S IDENTITY STILL A MYSTERY" on the front page.
When was the last time you saw a front page article confirming something we
already new was true? You'd seriously consider changing publications if you
picked up the paper tomorrow and the cover story was "News Flash! Wood Still
Comes From Trees! Details inside!"
In the end though, Superman wins, nobody gets the woman, and
another villain with a retarded plan goes to jail. Remember, Superman always
wins. Even against a giant steam-powered Jell-O gun.