Superman
Superman
In... Superman! Part I
At the end of this section you'll know:
What is the best disguise you can wear?
All journalists have a part-time job. What is it?
From what I gather from the back of the DVD case, this episode of Superman is
the first of the animated Superman Series to be broadcast in the early 40s. Like
most bands first albums, this episode is self titled and the music sucks.
The show opens with a shot of Superman's home planet,
represented by a balloon, and a brief narration provided by the same guy who
does the Superfriends. He explains that Superman's dad realized that Krypton was
about to explode so he built a rocket to take Superman to Earth. Superman's dad
was apparently a Geologist and a Rocket Scientist who had the intelligence and
time to master both Tectonics and Interplanetary Travel, but sadly lacked the
ability to call the Kryptonian Local News.
Superman's rocket landed on Earth and Superman was taken in
by an orphanage that the animator couldn't be bothered to color. This orphanage,
that didn't seem too interested in asking questions about why infants were
falling from the sky also gave Superman his great disguising skills. Superman
changes his look from guy in blue with red underwear to guy in suit with glasses
and hat. That outfit couldn't fool my grandma.
I've had practical experience with the Superman School of
Disguise. I remember once when I was streaking and the police were chasing me. I
stopped and put on a pair of glasses and a hat, and they still knew it was me.
Remember, a new hat and glasses makes you completely unidentifiable to even your
closest friends.
The story itself opens to Thing calling Lois and Clark Kent
into Mr. White's Office. Using my super powerful deductive reasoning skills I
determined that Mr. White was the Managing Editor. No, I used super sleuth
skills, I did not just read it off his door.
Inside Mr. White's Office Lois and Clark are read a letter
written by a mad scientist, who is appropriately called "The Mad Scientist". Ten
yard penalty for no originality. It reads "My Electrothanasia-Ray strikes
tonight at 12. Total destruction will come to those who laughed at me and failed
to heed my warnings. Beware I strike at midnight!" Those of you who have written
a few threatening letters (probably to me) will quickly identify the poor
construction of this ransom note.
First of all, every bad guy from terrorists to General Zod to the bully on the
playground knows that you always end your threat with "Unless you give me ____."
You ALWAYS demand something, be it money, a helicopter, or French toast.
Especially if you want French Toast. They have to buy it and cook it, and that
takes a long time.
Also, we're left with several questions. Like: What the hell
is an Electrothanasia-Ray? or What does it do? or Does it come in red? All
important information that we the viewers need in order to accurately assess the
Mad Scientists situation in comparison to that of our protagonist are
unfortunately non-existent.
After reading the letter Lois accepts the assignment, runs
off, jumps in a plane and flies to the "Mad Scientist's" house. There's a real
important scene here where she puts on a flight helmet. From what I understand,
it was supposed to shore up some sort of continuity error. Apparently the test
audience didn't believe that she actually put on her helmet. They also didn't
believe that as a journalist she had the credentials to fly a plane, but of
course they do. Remember, all reporters are also part-time flight instructors.
Lois makes a few passes around the Mad Scientists lab, for good measure, and
lands in front of it. But when she goes in to interview the scientist she's
captured. [Insert Fake Surprise Here]. This happens every flippin' episode: Lois
puts herself in avoidable danger, where she gets tied up at some point. This
makes me think that Lois is some sort of bondage freak.
This does raise yet another interesting question: If everyone
knows where the scientist's lab is why don't they dispatch a SWAT team or bomb
the place? Heck, I'd just send two drunk guys and a bulldozer. Tell them to just
take out the first floor, leave the others where they are. They'll destroy the
building (the scientist will have no weapon) the drunk guys will die (so you
don't have to pay them) and the bulldozer will be destroyed (a tax write-off).
It's foolproof. I really should be a consultant.